Tag Archives: Agoraphobia

First Steps

I don’t know if many of you have spotted that my challenge to myself this year isn’t competition related, instead I set myself up to at least start to beat my agoraphobia and finally last week I have started to do something about it instead of just thinking about doing something about it. I’ve also decided to share my journey on here, recent events have shown that mental health problems really shouldn’t be hidden away, help is out there if you need it, even if it’s just reading how others cope and learning to cope yourself. The main thing I’m learning on my journey back to living again is that life is worth living, yes, horrible things can and do happen but to let them rule the rest of my life would be giving in and letting those who hurt me win. They’re out of my life now, I’m not going to let them rule it still, I AM going to get better, have a fantastic life and enjoy every moment of it 😀

So, to start, here’s a very brief history: for the last 5/6 years the only time I have left the house has been with Dave, he makes me feel safe and secure and I know I can trust him. If anyone is wondering why this might be a problem, before I met Dave, I was in a string of bad relationships, the last one nearly killing me on a couple of occasions but now I’m free of all that and Dave has given me time and helped me to heal and now he’s helping and encouraging me into living again, showing me how life should be and it is pretty wonderful!

Anyway, last week I had a problem, I needed to make an appointment to have my Nexplanon implant changed but I wasn’t sure where to go for it over here. I struggle with making telephone calls as I have to plan in advance what to say and I couldn’t figure out the right string of words to ask if I telephoned my new GP which was making me feel very frustrated. It eventually boiled over and without thinking I put my shoes on, grabbed my coat and walked down there. It was only once I was half way there (it’s about 800m away) when I realised what I was doing, I felt so surprised but really happy that finally I believed myself that it would be OK to go out and it was.

I got to the doctors, spoke to the receptionist, made and appointment and have been back twice more since then, all on my own (OK, Dave gave me a lift half way for one appointment as we have a busy road between us and them and it was rush hour!lol) and I know I will be fine to go back again when I need to. I guess the next thing to work on now is going out on my own for pleasure not just because I need to be somewhere or do something. I know it will come in time, I’ll convince myself that it’s OK and that I can do it and I will 😀

I’ve also finally started back on my weight loss mission too, I’m not doing any fancy diet, just eating healthily (mostly) and keeping the calories under 1600/1700 each day with doing some exercise. I finally found something I really enjoy doing and it’s the most simple of exercises but it really gets a sweat going. I use a step and just go up and down on it while I watch something on TV or a movie. It’s amazing how much time goes past without you noticing if you distract yourself and keep exercising, hopefully I’ll keep going this time and this time next year, I’ll be on the way to being half the woman I am today 😀

Diary of a First Time Buyer – Exchange, completion and after that!

Well hasn’t that been an exciting 2 months! I totally forgot to update here with everything that was happening and my brain has been almost totally mushed with all the things I needed to remember and decide about. For anyone who doesn’t follow me on Twitter (or who missed all the excitement!lol) we finally exchanged on our house on the 15th and completed on the 23rd of January.

It all came as a bit of a surprise and a mad rush. We knew almost everything was in place before Christmas, we were just waiting for 1 search to be returned and with how slowly the rest of our purchase had gone (check the dates on my other FTB posts!) we thought it still would take time this year when everything was finally in place and that’s why the surprise! We heard from our solicitors on the 13th suggesting an almost immediate exchange with completion on the 23rd and we jumped at the chance and other than the solicitor phoning to tell us to collect our keys before they were ready, it all went really smoothly for us.

So now we’re doing a long move in, we decided a while ago that we would not give notice on the house we currently live in until we actually had the keys to the new house in our hands. Even with all the penalties you can incur, some things can still go wrong after exchange and we really didn’t want to end up homeless!lol So, after giving notice we ended up with 5/6 weeks where we would have both houses, we decided that some of the older bits of furniture would need replacing and that we’d try to get them delivered before we moved in. This week we got the final delivery dates confirmed (please don’t let them change now!lol) and so have arranged the removals and clearance of this house so in about 2 weeks we will be moving properly in.

It’s been a very long journey for us, mostly because we were very picky over what we wanted and stuck it out when things slowed right down but looking at the parts we have completed so far over there, we both know it’s really been worth it, here, see for yourself, this is most of our dining room and the back of the kitchen

Dining RoomThere is also another bit of news, I’ve been spending a day or two each week over at the house unpacking boxes and generally sorting out the bits that we’ve moved across ourselves already. Well, last week when I was over there, I actually went out, on my own! That’s the first time in about 5 years. I didn’t go far, just to the end of the road and back but it’s a start and shows I can do it, I just need to keep reminding myself of that if (when) things get tough again in the future 😀

Looking back – Looking forwards

Since today starts a new year I guess it’s the right time to peek back at all that happened last year and to hope for better things from the year ahead.

2013

Last year started with me being ill, I didn’t realise just how ill I was though and things grew worse and worse to the point I was very seriously ill and could have died without the treatment I received. Luckily all that is behind me now and it’s impossible for it to happen again …. you really can’t grow a gall bladder back right?lol After that we hit a period of exciting moments as we finally decided we had enough of a deposit saved to find a home that would truly be our own and we did find it but delays hit and we ended up in limbo for most of the last half of the year. Fortunately things have started moving again now we have a completed chain and hopefully we’ll be exchanging and completing over the next few weeks.

So in brief, last year started bad and got worse, then it got very exciting followed by limbo but ended on a high!

2014

I guess the main thing from this year is all that’s going to be involved in our house purchase and move but other than that I have a lot of other things to look forward to and plans made for this year. The things to look forward to are a lot of big family birthdays this year so many excuses to get together and catch up with everyone and I think I’m going to be doing Christmas this year as well, I know it’s a huge task but I love cooking for people and in our new house, that kitchen/dining room just cries out to entertain so I’m really looking forward to that! One of the big birthdays is my own, I’m going to be 40 in a couple of months, I don’t feel old and can’t see that changing but it is a great excuse to meet up with friends and have a good giggle, especially as it’s a friend 40th a few weeks later too!

I’ve also been preparing myself for beating my agoraphobia, when we move it’s to a much nicer, quieter area and I believe I can beat this and start going out on my own, I’m sure this can work for me as I did something similar when I moved in with Dave 7 years ago and quit smoking, it was much easier for me that for others I know who have gone through it.  I’ve already seen a change in me since I’ve started preparing for it, I feel much more confident and am not so quick to agree with a crowd, instead I found myself speaking my opinions more and more this year even when I knew they would not be popular. Part of me getting better is going to involve me being true to myself and not giving in to the crowd even if that means I might lose friends, I guess if I do, they really were not friends to start with if I’m not allowed to have my own opinion?

The last decision I have made is to do with my comping. For a long while now it’s been quite high up on my list of priorities (needing to get the dailies done EVERYDAY and being up to date with MSE are things I’m sure some/most of you have experienced/can understand) but I’m going to change that. I want to enjoy life more and not have most of my time when Dave’s at work taken up by just one of my hobbies as I’m missing out on time with the others. As I’ve said, after the move I’m determined that I’m going to be going out more and I also want to attack the huge pile of books that are on my ‘to-read’ shelves (far too many for a stack these days). I also want to spend time with the games I have and my crafting, in the new house we’ll have a garden that I can tinker with and I really don’t want to lose any of the friends I have made so I’ll need some time to have a chat with them as often as possible. I figure that unless I give up on sleep, which I’d really rather not do again, I need to make a choice over what I’m prepared to give up and that is the comps. I’m not totally finishing with them, I don’t think I could do that but they’re not going to rule my days like that have done. If I don’t get the dailies done, so what! If I’m pages and pages behind (I am right now as I haven’t done any on mse since the 10th of December) it really doesn’t matter. As long as Dave and I are happy and we have a good life, none of the rest really matters and doing something which causes stress isn’t a good thing and it did stress me towards the end of last year in trying to keep up with everything and realising what I was missing out on.

So that’s my thinking about this year, hopefully it’ll all come together and will make for a fantastic year for us and I wish all my readers an amazing year as well!

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