First Steps

I don’t know if many of you have spotted that my challenge to myself this year isn’t competition related, instead I set myself up to at least start to beat my agoraphobia and finally last week I have started to do something about it instead of just thinking about doing something about it. I’ve also decided to share my journey on here, recent events have shown that mental health problems really shouldn’t be hidden away, help is out there if you need it, even if it’s just reading how others cope and learning to cope yourself. The main thing I’m learning on my journey back to living again is that life is worth living, yes, horrible things can and do happen but to let them rule the rest of my life would be giving in and letting those who hurt me win. They’re out of my life now, I’m not going to let them rule it still, I AM going to get better, have a fantastic life and enjoy every moment of it πŸ˜€

So, to start, here’s a very brief history: for the last 5/6 years the only time I have left the house has been with Dave, he makes me feel safe and secure and I know I can trust him. If anyone is wondering why this might be a problem, before I met Dave, I was in a string of bad relationships, the last one nearly killing me on a couple of occasions but now I’m free of all that and Dave has given me time and helped me to heal and now he’s helping and encouraging me into living again, showing me how life should be and it is pretty wonderful!

Anyway, last week I had a problem, I needed to make an appointment to have my Nexplanon implant changed but I wasn’t sure where to go for it over here. I struggle with making telephone calls as I have to plan in advance what to say and I couldn’t figure out the right string of words to ask if I telephoned my new GP which was making me feel very frustrated. It eventually boiled over and without thinking I put my shoes on, grabbed my coat and walked down there. It was only once I was half way there (it’s about 800m away) when I realised what I was doing, I felt so surprised but really happy that finally I believed myself that it would be OK to go out and it was.

I got to the doctors, spoke to the receptionist, made and appointment and have been back twice more since then, all on my own (OK, Dave gave me a lift half way for one appointment as we have a busy road between us and them and it was rush hour!lol) and I know I will be fine to go back again when I need to. I guess the next thing to work on now is going out on my own for pleasure not just because I need to be somewhere or do something. I know it will come in time, I’ll convince myself that it’s OK and that I can do it and I will πŸ˜€

I’ve also finally started back on my weight loss mission too, I’m not doing any fancy diet, just eating healthily (mostly) and keeping the calories under 1600/1700 each day with doing some exercise. I finally found something I really enjoy doing and it’s the most simple of exercises but it really gets a sweat going. I use a step and just go up and down on it while I watch something on TV or a movie. It’s amazing how much time goes past without you noticing if you distract yourself and keep exercising, hopefully I’ll keep going this time and this time next year, I’ll be on the way to being half the woman I am today πŸ˜€

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